It's not just statutory laws that have me baffled. Just as often, it's maddening inconsistencies in social mores. Frequently I have lost friends, colleagues and I'm sad to report, blood, over the bafflingly illogical things a lot of people do. I'm afraid it recently happened to me again.
Two very dear friends of mine were recently staying at my house, when the husband felt a chill, and asked me if I could lend him a jumper. I naturally agreed, especially considering I spend a lot of the time naked anyway. Last weekend, they had invited me to stay with them, and the wife remembered my kind gesture, and gave me the jumper back.
Now. Smell is, I think, the most evocative of the senses. The jumper, having been worn once by my friend had taken on his scent. It was wonderful, I must say. The garment was overwhelmed by his aroma, and the corresponding happiness at our many meetings came flooding back with every sniff. It was a deeply private and moving reminder to me about the importance of these friends to my life. If I'm guilty of anything, it's wanting to try and grasp hold of this moment for too long, of caring too much.
I see no real distinction between men and women, but the barriers broken down during my youth in the 1960s did not, I'm sad to say, extend to an awareness of our true nature as human beings. The outburst of anger and sexual jealously that erupted from both of my friends when they found me smelling the wife's underwear drawer dismayed me. And whilst it is undeniable that I had an erection at the time, as I have discussed before, these things are so often out of our own control.
In time, I am hopeful this quarrel will blow over, that we have too many good things in our shared past to let one misunderstanding soil everything. Plus, they forgave me 10 years ago when they caught me smelling their daughter's bed.